It’s not easy being green

Something in the air,
Something thick and unwelcoming.
You are not sure how to behave around me,
but why?

And I know I’ve been a little quiet,
Of late.
I know I’ve lost some of my focus,
Of late.

But you don’t really know me, yet.
I hope you haven’t judged me.
But then, I have surely judged you?

Do you know that we have a motto
“Show me you care”
Do you know how absolute this is for me?

I’m acutely aware that I appear cold.
I am shielding that which is most precious,
most easily damaged

I have so much warmth inside of me,
my heart is full of compassion.
For every nuance I read in the atmosphere
between the people I see.
Every glance,
Every muscle twinge.
I am acutely aware
Of the feelings of those around me.
And I care so much that sometimes
My heart hurts for them,
For all of you.

And all of us humans,
With our misgivings and our confusions,
Our muddled brains,
Our busy lives.

And yes I come across cold.
I am afraid to share my warmth,
My compassion,
With a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
With any of you,
Who could use my vulnerability
And turn against me
As I have seen you do before.

Of course I am afraid.

And no I will not be a fan club,
To a merry dance of nonsense chatter,
of jokes and sarcasm.
That does not secure my trust in you.
And I wouldn’t be myself,
if I didn’t look for integrity, sincerity.

Those are the things I trust in.
And then I will be able to laugh with you.

I don’t enjoy your
‘Emotional resilience’
I don’t enjoy your
‘Blue sky thinking’
I don’t enjoy
Any of your corporate nonsense.
Because that is what it is, to me.
Vacuous nonsense.

And didn’t you know,
There are other people,
With other skills.

People with compassion.
People with empathy.
People who think not only in numbers,
In statistics and money.

Because it means NOTHING.

And those skills I know I possess…
What was that quote about…
A fish trying to climb a tree?
Believing it is stupid

Why am I trying to bend my skills,
To fit into your world?

You can keep your power,
Your success,
Your fame,
Your arrogance,
Your materialism,
And your money.

I’d rather be in the dirt,
With my people.
Salt of the earth.

Than in this world of suits and ties any longer.

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