Family Home

The most wonderful time of the year.

Yes, it’s a little easier,
with a new baby in the house.

I take myself away,
I am aunty now.
The baby is innocent.
The baby is simple.
The baby giggles and cries.
The baby doesn’t carry
these memories,
that come flooding back 
to haunt me,
whenever we are reunited.
Whenever we return
to this house.

You tell me,
you want a different life,
for your youngest.
Can you not see,
how privileged you have been?
Why do you reject your roots
in this way?

Why do you desire,
‘Middle class’

An ugly term,
to my thinking.

And how confusing it is,
to hold love, resentment.
Pain, suffering.
Admiration, adoration.
Isolation, neglect.
All under this one roof.

And we do love each other,
don’t we?
Perhaps that’s why it hurts so much.

With the baby on my chest,
I don’t have to listen.
I don’t have to think.
Sorry, I’m not being rude,
I’m just rocking the baby.
Quiet now, the baby sleeps.

This tiny new person,
a protective barrier,
Between myself
and the memories.

Stirring within me,
my own sense of womanhood.
A ticking clock?
The right relationship?
Is there still time?
Could I ever take such a risk?

And what if, unintentionally,
I caused damage to a child?
Like you have.

 

Advertisements

10 Comments

  1. Amazingly powerful writing. This got me straight in the heart. It’s a very emotive poem, lots of sadness and resentment there… How are you feeling generally? I got through Christmas ok, but I feel terrible now and have had a big depressive crash since 😦 *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, it’s having to be happy for my kids and all the overstimulation of it. That takes it out of me. Also it was my dads birthday yesterday so that was a triggering day. I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy. You have a lot to deal with 😢 Xx

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s