Becoming Whole

You were hurt.
You have told yourself over and over.
You have been living firmly in the past,
haven’t you?

And while it wasn’t your fault,
(and none of it was, my love).
You have been damaging yourself,
as others have damaged you.

You looked for your lost father
in the company of wolves.
You mistook their attention
for something resembling love.
You turned your face from them,
left yourself vulnerable to attack,
and attack they did.

You looked for self esteem
in starvation.
Two hours on the treadmill,
a six mile walk home,
two more hours before bed.
‘No dinner for me, please’.

You looked for solace
at the bottom of a bottle.
You tried to grasp the answer in your hands,
but you could never swim far enough
to reach the bottom.
You felt sure the answer would be hiding there.

You looked for companionship
in pills and white powder.
You tried to speak,
but no words came out.
So you tried to dance the pain away.
You enjoyed feeling numb,
until you didn’t.

And then somebody found you.
They would love you, despite your resistance.
And you didn’t believe
that anyone really could,
did you?

They fought the wolf from your door,
pulled the bottle from your grasp.
They told you, just how attractive you were,
without your beloved white powder and pills.

And gradually you learned to survive without them.
You learned how to function in this world.
You saved your money,
you built a home.

But trauma runs deep,
doesn’t it, my love?

And yes, you have banished most of your demons,
but still you choose to cause harm to yourself.
Push the emotions deep inside
and they may not resurface?
You know better than that, don’t you?

You have found great peace
in your spiritual search,
in training your mind.
Then why do you neglect your body in this way?

She has carried you through the raging storm,
time after time.
She holds your soul safe,
but still you reject her.
Is it because she allowed you to be hurt?

Just like it wasn’t your fault,
it wasn’t hers either.
She was powerless to protect you,
in those moments of violence.
A silent attack rendered her incapable
of protecting you
against the monster you still fear.
Though she would have, had she been able.

Stop punishing her now, my love.
She is still sacred.
She is still beautiful.
She has the power
to make you feel
all the magnificence
of a strong and fearsome woman.
Together, you can be more powerful
than you ever believed.

So pour your love into her now,
treat her well,
listen to what she wants.
Let her grow strong and vibrant.
It is not shallow to revel in her beauty.
You can hide her away,
or you can be proud of her.
You can let her light shine
in harmony with your soul…
and just maybe,
you will feel complete again.

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no face woman © 2017

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22 Comments

    1. Summer thank you so much 🙂 ❤ I've been trying to work on not causing damage to myself anymore… of course, mind & soul can't continue without a body that is well taken care of. It's taken me far too long to realise that xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Definitely. Starting my running has shifted my attitude towards my body. I now view it as an increasingly efficient machine that is getting stronger and stronger. The mind body connection is strong. Your body has been through a lot. It deserves some tlc 🙂 X

        Liked by 1 person

  1. THIS YEAR IS YOUR YEAR! You have started it with FIRE IN YOUR BELLY and your writing is INCREDIBLE. If you EVER EVER dare doubt your brilliance please re-read this and the other poem you wrote that I went crazy over, because it will remind you that you are TOTALLY INCREDIBLE and that’s the damn truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is stunning! A great statement of your journey. I can see so much improvement in your writing it’s so powerful. I see my ex got hitched to you too. She’s stalking my closest followers wtf

    Liked by 1 person

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