I come away from you
feeling the familiar
agony of love.
And it is love.
You are my family,
But why then, do I find it
so difficult to be around you?
You ask me, ‘stay another night?’
And I try to explain,
you will see the best of me
if you are able to understand
that the best way is
high quality for low quantity.
You see, I get too exhausted
to give my energy to you
for any longer.
I try to speak
and you interrupt me.
Your high energy,
and your flailing expressions
hit me like machine gun bullets,
piercing the sacred parts of my mind.
I need but a moment
to process all that is fired at me.
I am exhausted in your presence.
There is no peace.
And I realise
just how accustomed I have become
to my own personal sanctuary.
Yes, I adore you,
you mean the world to me.
But sometimes, the inauthenticity I see
twists my very core
into a wretched, squirming creature,
longing to escape.
Like an octopus,
trapped in too small a cage.
My insides spew with unspoken truths.
I try to give my point of view,
but barely have I opened my mouth,
before I am shot down,
We exist in different planes,
you and I.
Perhaps it’s a generation thing.
Perhaps you were always this way.
But I don’t remember you always being like this.
We used to be similar, you and I.
Did I just grow up?
Was my path so different to yours
that we barely recognise each other now?
Was I always more like my father?
He likes to hide from the world, too.
And it hurts.
It hurts to adore you so completely,
but to disagree so fervently
with every single thing you say.
no face woman © 2017