Masquerade

You are not who I thought you were.
No, you are not.

I’ll admit,
I was fooled by you.
The social chameleon.
You can morph to match your audience.
You can make them believe
your insides are as pretty
as the outside.

I have seen a different story,
once you got closer.
Once you selected me
as the one to share
your darkest secrets with.

I can see through your smile.
And perhaps my silence
can often be attributed
to a lack of authenticity
in the environment.
I never mean to make you uncomfortable.

When your words tell a different story
to your body language,
I see the pain in your eyes.
I am uncomfortable when you lie.
I can sense when something is wrong.

And I listen for hours.
I tell you I will not judge you.
(But I surely have, haven’t I,
or I wouldn’t be feeling this way
of late.

I know I still have things
I need to work on, too).

And it isn’t the nature
of your indiscretions,
so much as the games you play
with the people around you.

You may choose to tell me,
And I cannot lie,
I am the machine of truth.
If you want to hear sympathy,
you may go to him and tell your woes,
tell him he’s the only person you’ve confided in,
(lies).
For surely he will tell you
it’s all ok and you did nothing wrong.
Perhaps you don’t want to hear the truth.
Perhaps you are not ready yet.

But as one of your tribe,
I am rejected
because of the exact
truth telling
that makes me a treasure to some
and a jury to others.
Depending how you look at it, I suppose.

And yes, I believe so fiercely
in my sisterhood.
I am wounded to be reminded
that not every girl
is a ‘girls’ girl’.

But you see,
I believe that good friends tell the truth.
I am happy to see the darkness in you,
I expect you to accept mine too.
For surely we can only be truly connected
when we see the truth
of who we are.
And when I tell you,
you’re being an idiot,
you should know that it only ever comes
from a place of love and kindness.

I will confess,
I am offended that you cannot see this.

And so you choose your sympathy friend.
You choose the friend who tells you
‘Keep taking the pills
and forget about it’.

And if that is what you need to hear,
then I understand.

But I will only ever tell you
the truth of what you need to process,
before you look for resolution in others.

Because my dear,
none of those men will heal
the emptiness you feel.

Until you can first look yourself in the eye.
Until you can care for yourself, by yourself.
Until you can hold your own hand,
look in the mirror and say

“I like who I am”.

This is all I want for you.
But you’re not ready to hear it yet.
I am sorry if I’ve been too hard on you.
It’s just that I was you, once.

But this is your journey,
not mine.
I will support you anyway.
I will try to reserve my opinion.
I will not abandon you.

 

no face woman © 2017

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